


Kintsugi

by 9Jou10, Kiarata



Category: IDOLiSH7 (Video Game)
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Bottom Otoharu, Drug Addiction, Drug Use, Drug-Induced Sex, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Heavy Angst, M/M, Pain Kink, Panic Attacks, Physical Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Psychological Torture, Psychological Trauma, Rape Aftermath, Rape Recovery, Sexual Abuse, Torture
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-30
Updated: 2018-11-16
Packaged: 2019-04-30 01:34:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,799
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14485926
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/9Jou10/pseuds/9Jou10, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kiarata/pseuds/Kiarata
Summary: Kintsugi  (n.)The idea that even that which is broken does not die. Instead, it is carefully put back together, golden scars proudly signifying its growth.Otoharu Takanashi can probably trace his new interests and refreshed love life back to a singular event. Too bad it was one that tore him to pieces, in more ways than one. Obsession. Torment. Blackmail. Pain. Capture. He doesn't want to remember these things, but they'll follow him for the rest of his life, shaping him into who he will become. These are the scars he wears with pride, his Kintsugi.





	1. Misstep

**Author's Note:**

> Please read the tags before reading!! This fic is quite dark so proceed on your own volition. 
> 
> My rambles with 9Jou make me decide to just write it lmao. Thank you 9jou for actually helping me proof read and write this fan fiction as well as entertaining my HCs with me lolol. 
> 
> We are both amateur writers so we expect there will be quite a bit of mistakes. All criticism are welcome!!
> 
> Warning: Contains rape and torture.

Otoharu wakes up to darkness. He rolls over and groans as he tries to push himself up, working around an inexplicable resistance in his limbs, but a sharp pain jolts through his head, causing him to collapse to the ground. The pain wakes him up a little more, allowing him to finally notice that his hands and feet are tied behind his back. Still, his head throbs, muddling any truly coherent thoughts that might come into his mind. Has he been kidnapped? If so, why? How? Questions race through his mind as his heart starts to beat faster from fear and adrenaline. He breathes in and out slowly, trying his best to keep his cool and think through the situation at hand. Searching for any clue as to where he is or what’s going on, Otoharu closes his eyes, trying to recall what happened. His memories aren’t as clear as he’d like, he realizes as he works on retrieving them, but he does his best to focus on what details he can remember.

* * *

 

_“Thank you for coming over to meet us, Takanashi-san.” The producer smiled at him as he sat down on the chair in the office._

_Otoharu had been contacted by a popular film industry to talk about having IDOLISH7 in one of their new drama films. Taking it as a great opportunity for the boys, the president accepted the request. He usually went to these meetings with Banri, but it seemed that the producer wanted a private meeting with him. He didn’t mind much at the time, though he supposed perhaps he should have._

_Otoharu accepted the cup that was handed to him by the man and smiled politely. He took a sip from the orange juice in the cup. It tasted a bit bitter, but he dismissed it; after all, some orange juice did taste bitter from the seeds. After a few sips, Otoharu decided to get down to the business he had with the producer._

_“So, about IDOLISH7 being in the new film you are making?” The president put down the cup and looked at the other man, absently tugging at his tie. The room was starting to feel a bit hot; maybe he could try asking them to turn up the air conditioner?_

_“Oh yes! About that!!” The producer clapped his hands and smiled. He looked at Otoharu, still holding that smile. The smile started to unnerve him. “We wanted you.”_

_“Huh?” Otoharu let out a confused sound. “What do y—” Before Otoharu could finish his sentence, a sharp pain in his head caused his vision to blur. Otoharu tried to stand up; instead, his legs, as if there was no energy left in them, gave way, and he fell onto the floor. He tried moving his body, but his body didn't want to do what he wanted it to do. His arms and legs felt limp against his unmovable body._

_“Oh, seems like the drug worked!! That was fast.” The producer bent down and smiled at the immobile man. Otoharu tried to say something, but his mouth wouldn't move at all; he was paralyzed. Soft, incoherent groans came out instead. He started to feel nauseous as his vision spun out of control. His head ached intensely; Otoharu could feel his consciousness starting to slip away from him. Footsteps could be heard walking toward the door, and as the door opened, he could hear several men walk into the room. He slipped into the darkness as someone carried him away._

* * *

Otoharu opens his eyes and darkness greets him again. He can vaguely remember waking up in a car, but after that his memory falls into disarray. He tries his best to remember any of the kidnappers’ faces, but his hazy memory just makes his head hurt more. The president tries again to push himself up from the floor, but his body still won’t move the way he wants it to. It seems the drug effect still hasn't worn off.

As Otoharu tries to put his memories together, the door to the room opens up. Otoharu looks up to see several men walk into the room and shut the door behind them. One of the men turns on the light, causing Otoharu to wince from the sudden brightness, his head pounding intensely.

“You're awake.” One of the men smiles and bends down to look at Otoharu. “You look quite young for a man in his late 40s, Otoharu-san.” The president glares at the opposing men. He dislikes hearing his name from their mouths.

“What do you want?” Otoharu speaks out lowly.

“Aw, that’s not cute.” The smile grows wider, more cruel, leaving a bad taste in Otoharu's mouth. "I bet your daughter would b—” His eyes widen with horror at the mention of Tsumugi. No. No, no, no. They can’t touch her.

“Don’t you dare fucking touch her!! I will fucking kill you, you fucking a—” As Otoharu screams profanities at the man, struggling through the ropes that are tied around his arms and legs, the kidnapper makes an annoyed expression and punches him in the stomach. Winded from the punch, Otoharu tries to gasp for air.

“Don’t you talk back at me. You don’t have the freedom to decide anything in this position.” The kidnapper pulls on his hair and has Otoharu face him. “You have a beautiful face... I would hate to ruin it.” Otoharu glares through the pain at the man.

“Fuck you,” he spits out, his voice laced with pure hatred. The man laughs at Otoharu’s insult as he calls in the other kidnappers that have been standing there, watching the exchange.

“Oh, you will. Trust me.” One of the men hands the kidnapper a syringe full of clear liquid. Otoharu stares as the man moves the syringe closer and closer to his arm.

“What is that?” Otoharu asks in alarm, struggling to move away from the syringe, but the other men pin him down.

“Oh, this? It will make you feel _very_ good.” The captor pushes the needle into his skin. Otoharu hardly feels it; he watches with dread as the liquid enters his body. As soon as he pulls out the needle, a ripping noise rends the air as the kidnapper cuts off the ropes on Otoharu’s arms and legs. He tries to move his arm, but his body goes limp from whatever that drug is. The president’s breath becomes harsh as his body grows hotter and hotter by the minute.

The man rips the clothes and pants off Otoharu and pushes him to the ground. Disoriented, but still aware, he sees the kidnapper placing a pocket knife against Otoharu’s thigh; distantly, he notes this was likely how the ropes came off. The feeling of cold metal against his skin makes his heart pound from anxiety. The captor pushes the knife deep into his thigh and makes a long deep cut before pulling it out. Otoharu bites down on his lip as pain spikes through him. It hurts so much, yet he feels so good from it. He starts to feel himself getting hard from the sensation. There should have been more pain, yet the pain just turns into some kind of sick pleasure for him.

The man notices Otoharu’s hard-on and smirks sinisterly. He steps on the president’s abdomen, causing the other man to gasp out for air. He bends down and cups Otoharu’s bulge in his hand.

“You get turned on by pain huh? What a sick fuck.” Otoharu tries his best to stop himself from moaning as the man plays with his cock. The man’s hand is rough and careless; more than once, it yanks his cock too far, squeezes him too tightly, twists too hard. His mind screams in objection; Otoharu forgets his limbs aren’t working, and struggles to push the man away to no avail. His arms are brushed off as easily as the dirt off one’s shoulders.

“S-stop,” he gasps instead, only to be rewarded with a punch where it _hurt_.

“Silence is golden, Mr. President,” he feels more than he hears, the man’s breath hot against his ear before teeth sink into it. Otoharu lets out an involuntary yell which is rewarded by a second punch in as many minutes, and his whole body seems to throb as the kidnapper resumes his half-assed handling. Otoharu whimpers, overwhelmed and momentarily blinded by sensation.

Right about when he regains his senses, his captor pulls his boxers down and grins as he sees how hard Otoharu is. “You know, most men go _limp_ from getting punched in the crotch, not hard,” he remarks, and Otoharu makes a failed attempt to spit in the man’s face. The spit doesn’t reach; it just comes back down, narrowly missing Otoharu himself.

The man laughs at Otoharu’s pitiful attempt at rebellion, and nods his head for the other men to come over as the president’s face burns in shame. Otoharu struggles as they hold him in place. One of the men squeezes his nipples, causing the president to let out a moan. As the men play with this hypersensitive body, Otoharu feels sick from how much he is affected by it.

“You really feel everything,” the man laughs again, mocking his inability to remain unaffected. “That drug is a lot more effective than I thought.” The man smirks even more as he watches Otoharu glare at him in anger, his face flushed red from the drugs effect as much as his own upset.

“I will kill you,” Otoharu growls lowly. The captor laughs at the man’s words, not taking it seriously, and quickly spreads the president’s legs apart. Otoharu realizes what the man is going to do and, horrified, starts to fight against the man’s grip, but to no avail. His body is getting weaker and weaker by the minute, his mind becomes sluggish. The kidnapper pulls his pants and boxers off and lines his cock over Otoharu’s hole. “No, no, stop, do— Aaahh!!” the president cries out as the man violently thrusts into him without any preparation. It feels as though he’s being ripped open as the man’s member forces his way into him. It hurts so much. Blood flows down from his hole; tears cloud his eyes.

The captor doesn’t give Otoharu any time to adjust and starts to move in and out immediately. The president lets out pained groans as he feels like he is being torn apart. Even then, his cock is still as hard as ever, pleasure inexplicably coursing through his body from each painful thrust.

“Damn, you’re so tight.” The man groans as he thrusts in and out. The kidnapper grabs the pocket knife on the floor and starts cutting into Otoharu’s abdomen. The knife digs in, and Otoharu cries out from the pain as the man carves words into his body. The kidnapper looks at Otoharu’s tear-stained face and smirks at the man. “We own you now, Mr. President,” the man laughs as he continues to fuck Otoharu.

“I will kill you, I will kill you,” Otoharu chants the sentence over and over, his teary eyes full of anger and malice. Otoharu grits his teeth through the pain.

“You say that, but you’re enjoying it too, aren’t you?” The captor touches his hard member. Otoharu shivers and lets out a small moan at the warmth around his sensitive skin. He hates it, but he cannot lie. With all the pain from it, the pleasure comes twice as much. As much as his mind tells him to hate it, his body keeps wanting more. Still, Otoharu won't accept that. It's the drug, not him.

“Go to hell,” the president spits out in disdain. Before Otoharu can say anything more a cock is shoved into his mouth. Another kidnapper, this one thinner and smaller, pushed his girth deep down Otoharu's throat. Tears spring to Otoharu's eyes as he starts to choke from the length. The larger captor pounds into him relentlessly as the other pushes his length deeper into Otoharu's mouth. Muffled groans escape from the president's mouth, trying to pull away from the girth to get some air. The men allow none of that and keep on fucking him from both ends. The president feels light headed, his mind clouded by pleasure and pain. Tears flow down his face as his vision starts to darken. Before Otoharu can pass out, the smaller man cums into his mouth. Bitter liquid fills his mouth and throat. As soon as the captors pulls out of his mouth, Otoharu starts coughing and vomiting out the cum. The sudden intake of air makes him choke violently. It hurts so much yet it feels so good that he would cum.

“Aw, that's no good. You should never spit out our cum. Time for a punishment!” the other captors laugh as Otoharu looks on in horror. The bigger kidnapper is still thrusting in and out of him, getting close to his own release. The other captor takes out a cigarette and lights it. He takes a long drag before pressing the cigarette butt on Otoharu's shoulder. Otoharu screams as the scent of burning skin fills his nostrils. The man twists the cigarette on the burn and repeats it several time in different areas. Again and again, it burns him, hot and blistering on his skin.

Everything hurts so much, his whole body hurts everywhere, but he has never been so aroused in his life. The first kidnapper presses against the cuts on Otoharu's abdomen, bringing the president's attention back to him. The man finally cums inside Otoharu, the warm sensation sending him over the edge as he starts climaxing as well. After coming down from his own orgasm, Otoharu is overcome with disgust for having even felt pleasure from this activity in the first place. It's fine. It’s over now. He will be fine. The larger kidnapper walks away to the other side while more men pile up in front of him. Otoharu tries to move back, dread coming back at full force.

“Don’t worry, we’re going to have fun all night,” the kidnappers laugh as they get ready for another round.

* * *

Otoharu has lost sense of time at this point. He doesn't know how many hours have passed, but at this point he doesn't care. He just wants to be anywhere else but here. He doesn’t know how many times he’s cummed or how many people have fucked him. His body is littered with bruises, cuts, burns, and marks. It hurts to the point that now he just feels numb from everything. As they are fucking him, one of the kidnapper starts choking him. Otoharu tries his best to gasp for air as his consciousness dwindle away.

“Do you like it? You like it, don't you? You enjoy this, don't you?” Otoharu can vaguely hear the voice asking him. He is so tired. He wants it to be over. He doesn't care anymore. “Yes, I love it.” Otoharu struggles to answer, not caring what they are even asking for anymore. Just make it stop. “I love it.” Otoharu starts to smile as the pain from everything dissipates and is replaced with intense pleasure instead. His vision slowly turns dark as his consciousness slowly slips away. Before Otoharu passes out, he hears a familiar-sounding voice saying something incoherent. He tries to decipher what the voice is trying to say, but he succumbs to the darkness before he can.


	2. Escape

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It took a lot longer that I thought it would but chapter 2 is finally done!! Thank you again to 9Jou for helping me write!! Like I said before me and 9Jou are both amateur writers so any criticisms are appreciated! From now on I will be putting a warning up for what each chapter contains you will know what to expect!
> 
> Warning: This chapter contains mention of torture, rape and PTSD.

Cold liquid hits his cheek, causing Otoharu to regain consciousness. He's not in the dark room anymore, he realizes. Otoharu looks around and notices that he is now in an alleyway. The sky is dark and full of rain clouds; it seems the heavy rain woke him up. He sees the light at the end of the alleyway, shining from a streetlight. Why is he here? What happened?…

Suddenly, the events from just before he lost consciousness come rushing back to him all at once. The men, the pain, the pleasure, the torture, the disgusting hands in places he didn’t want them in... Otoharu quickly turns to the side and starts vomiting out whatever he ate that morning. As the nausea slowly subsides, the man tries to sit up. Pain flares through his body as he tries to move his bruised arm. Otoharu falls back onto the concrete wall behind him and looks down at his body. His clothes, now completely soaked from the rain, have been put back on him; luckily, the clothes are not that torn, so they can still be worn. He finds his phone in one of his pant pockets, as well as his car and house keys. Miraculously, his phone still works. He’s lucky; the casing probably shielded it from the rain considerably. The suitcase Otoharu brought to meet the producer is lying beside him. Why did they let him go? With all of his belongings no less… What do they really want? Otoharu looks out the alley and is met with a familiar street that leads to his house. Otoharu's heart drops. They know his address. Otoharu quickly takes out his phone and looks at it to check the time, all the while using his coat to shield it from the rain. 9:00 PM. The date indicates that it is the same day that he went to meet the producer in the morning. His shaky hands start to look for Tsumugi’s number and dial it.

“President?” Tsumugi's voice feels like light in the darkness. Otoharu tries his best to keep a stable voice and not cry immediately.

“Tsumugi… Where are you?” He suppresses a flinch at his slip; he doesn’t call Tsumugi by her name only unless they are at home, not working. Tsumugi goes silent for a few minutes, worrying Otoharu to no end, before replying.

“I told you, I have some work in the dormitory today so I will be here until around 11. You don't have to wait to eat dinner with me. Don’t worry I will take Kinako back with me.” Otoharu sighs in relief knowing that his daughter is safe.

“Ah, hahaha. I must have forgotten,” Otoharu tries his best to sound as normal as possible. “Is Banri-kun there?”

“Banri-san? Yes, he is here. You want to talk to him?”

“Ah, yes.” Otoharu listens to the shuffling of the phone in the background.

“President! How did the meeting go?” Banri's voice comes through the phone, making Otoharu's heart constrict. He just wants to cry and tell Banri what happened right then and there. He just wants to have someone close to him right now. But how can he? Telling someone that he was just raped due to his own oversight? And that he enjoyed it no less? Otoharu doesn’t have enough courage to do that.

“Ah, the producer says it’s not set in stone yet, so we will have to wait and see ahaha…” Otoharu tries to make up an excuse about the meeting. “But, ah, Banri-kun. Tomorrow I won't be going to work. Could you cancel all my appointments?”

“Well, tomorrow we only have a meeting with TRIGGER's president. But why are you not coming to work? Is everything okay, Otoharu-san?” Banri accidentally calls Otoharu more intimately out of concern. Otoharu’s grip on his shirt tightens at the use of his name. He swallows and tries his best to keep his voice from shaking.

“A-Ah… Nothing of concern. I, ah, ran through the rain today and I think I got a fever. I wouldn't want anyone to get sick. I’m f-fine.” Otoharu chides himself internally for stumbling at the end of the sentence and prays that Banri doesn't notice it.

“Oh! I hope you feel better soon, President! I will move the meeting appointment then,” Banri replies, going back to his formal self. After a few exchanges, Otoharu hangs up his phone and put it back into his pocket. His hair and clothes are dripping wet from the rain, his body shaking from the cold. At least the cold numbs the wounds. The president takes his bag and stumbles painfully down the street to get to his house.

* * *

Otoharu half expects to see the kidnappers in his home again, but no one seems to be there. So peaceful… The empty hallway, no sign of a break-in anywhere. Otoharu quickly takes off his shoes and walks toward the living room. Only darkness greets him. Otoharu shudders as recent memories keep flooding back. The dark room they put him in and… He quickly shakes his head and walks toward his room on autopilot, not turning on any lights.

As soon as he is inside, Otoharu doesn't bother to turn on the lights and walks straight into the bathroom. He takes off all his clothes; he notes how bloody his button down shirt is now. He will just throw them away sometime later; his torn up clothes can’t be of use now anyway.

Otoharu walks into the bathtub and turns on the faucet. He sits down on the edge of the bathtub and watches idly as the hot water starts to fill the bathtub. His head feels like it will explode, his body hurts everywhere, especially his lower body. As the water fills up, Otoharu steps inside and pours a generous amount of soap on his hand; he scrubs it all over his body, hissing as his wounds start to sting again.

After washing and rinsing his body, face, and hair three times, he decides that it will have to be enough. It’s not like he’ll stop feeling dirty. He will never be clean. He waits for the water to clear out of the bathtub and starts to try and get the semen out of his body. He suppresses his cries as the torn skin starts to hurt as soon as his finger touches it. He starts cleaning it out slowly. He can't remember how many people have ejaculated inside him, but he knows that it was quite a lot, if not all, of them. Semen flows out of his body, reminding him constantly that it actually happens. Tears prick his eyes as the shame eats away in his heart.

After he finishes cleaning his body, Otoharu walks out of the bathtub to the sink that is beside the bathtub. He opens the cabinet above the sink and takes out the first aid kit that is inside. He hopes none of the wounds will be big enough to need stitching. Otoharu turns around to look at his reflection in the bathroom’s full length mirror.

His eyes are puffy and red from all the crying he did. Otoharu looks down and his breath catches in his throat. Bruises, cuts, and burn marks are all over his body, but what makes his heart stop are the words. The kidnapper had carved words on him. _Slut_. _Mine_. _Bitch_. _Pet_. _Slave_. The words are all over his abdomen. Memories of the rape and torture replay in his head over and over again. Otoharu can feel the nausea coming back faster than ever. He turns around to the toilet, his insides heaving, but nothing comes out. He starts dry heaving into the toilet, sobbing and coughing all the while.

After the dry heaving subsides, Otoharu huddles up in the corner. He pushes his face into his hands and start sobbing desperately. He pulls his legs up against his chest, his body quakes as he continues to cry. He hates himself, he feels disgusted with himself. Otoharu doesn't know what to do, he doesn't want to be anywhere anymore. He wants to just disappear. Everything hurts so much. He wants it all to stop.

_We own you now, Mr. President._

The kidnapper’s words continue to repeat themselves over and over in his head incessantly. The room is getting darker and darker as the captors’ laughters and slanders start to come back. He is back there again. That dark, cold room. Otoharu closes his eyes and covers his ears as the laughters from the captors grow louder and louder. No, no, stop. He doesn't want to hear it anymore. No…

“STOP!! LEAVE ME ALONE!” Otoharu screams at the voices and everything falls quiet again. He opens his eyes up and he is back in his brightly lit bathroom. Otoharu can feel his heart beating rapidly from the adrenaline. He hates that he keeps thinking about them. He hates that he is constantly wary of every single thing. Otoharu curses to himself as he weakly stands up to wash his face, before walking back to the first aid kit to continue treating his wounds.

Opening the kit, Otoharu starts to apply the medicine to his wounds. The wounds start to sting but somehow he can feel a jolt of pleasure from the pain. His face flushes in shame; it must have been the drug. It has to be. Otoharu continues to treat his wounds and wraps them up with bandages, wrapping it extra tightly around his abdomen. He closes the kit after he finishes, putting it back into the cabinet and walks out to his closet. The closet light shines and shows its contents. He took out a long-sleeved shirt and long pants to put on. He wants to be covered as much as possible.

After he dresses, Otoharu walks across the room to turn on the light. The darkness makes him uneasy. He goes back into the bathroom, taking his dripping clothes and putting it in a big enough plastic bag. Otoharu makes a quick trip to the kitchen trash can to throw the plastic bag away. As he turns on the kitchen light, he spots the sink nearby. Otoharu realizes that he hasn’t drank any water since he was kidnapped. He reaches up to the cupboard above and takes out a plastic cup. As he fills the glass with water, he starts to feel how dry and parched his throat is.

He brings the filled cup to his mouth and starts to drink. As the liquid flows down his throat, memories start to flash in his mind. Men shoving their cocks into his mouth. The bitter liquid in his mouth, forced down his throat. He knows it’s only water, knows that it’s not as viscous or as vile as the fluid he’d been made to swallow, but Otoharu starts to choke on it anyway, the cup slipping from his hand and falling to the floor. The liquid feels thick against his dehydrated tongue, warm from its time in his mouth, and he gags, unable to separate the horrifying memories of mere hours ago — was it only hours? Had it really not yet been a day? — from the feeling of tap water in his mouth. His legs go weak as he collapses to the floor, his back against the kitchen table. Otoharu covers his mouth as he coughs uncontrollably. Getting stirred up by just drinking water... why did he become like this? Otoharu reaches up to the kitchen table and takes the tissue roll on the counter, pulling some sheets off to clean up the floor. Seems like he won’t be drinking any more water today. After he throws the tissues away Otoharu picks up the fallen cup and put it in the sink. He has no energy to wash it right now.

Otoharu walks back into his room and closes the door. He walks towards the bed in the middle of his room and drops down onto it, curling up under the sheets. He doesn’t bother to turn off the light, he doesn’t want to be in the darkness again.

Otoharu stares dully at his shaking hands, memories of the incident circulating through his brain. He closes his eyes and pushes his face into the pillow, noting at how soft it is. He is so tired. He just wants to sleep, yet it eludes him. Whenever he closes his eyes, slowly drifting into his sleep, Otoharu is back in that dark place. Strange, unknown men touching, torturing him, laughing. Pain, so much pain. Otoharu will then wake up with a gasp, sometimes a soft cry, back into his still room. How many times has it been? For him to keep waking up for the memories again and again. Otoharu can sometimes feel tears run down his cheeks. He wipes them away and sobs softly, his body shaking ever so slightly.

After some time, Otoharu hears the front door open. Footsteps can be heard walking toward his room and stopping in front of his door.

“Dad?” A soft voice emerges from the other side of the door. “I heard from Banri-san that you are sick. Are you okay? Do you need me to get you anything?”

“I’m alright. It’s not that bad, Tsumugi. Thank you.” Otoharu replies as he tightens his grip on the blanket. It is bad, he knows that. It’s really bad. He should have gone to the police, but he just couldn’t do it. He doesn't want anyone to know. Ever. Whatever those people want to do, it’s not over yet; they won’t let him go that easily. He won’t have Tsumugi, or anyone else for that matter, involved in it. After a small pause of silence, Tsumugi bids the man goodnight and walks back to her room.

Hours pass, and Otoharu still can't get a wink of sleep. He reaches over to the bedside table and takes out some sleeping pills. He doesn't like taking them; they make him feel very out of it the next day. Still, he has no choice; he is running out of options. Otoharu swallows the pills, hoping it will work. He lies there on his bed, staring at the blank wall as he slowly slips into sleep.

* * *

He is back in the dark room, tied up. The men are back, laughing, touching him. It hurts, it hurts so much. Otoharu jolts awake and quickly covers his mouth so his scream won’t be heard. Nausea hits him hard. Otoharu runs to the toilet and starts vomiting violently. His throat burns as bile comes up his throat. He wipes his mouth as tears start to form. Otoharu looks down to see that he’s hard again. His face flushes with shame; why is he hard? He shouldn’t feel any arousal from the incident. A normal person would not be hard from the nightmare. Even so, he has to deal with it.

Otoharu lets out a sigh as he starts to masturbate. He tightens his grip as his hand moves up and down his length. Memories of the incident starts coming back, but instead of the kidnappers it becomes Sousuke and Banri. Otoharu groans as he imagine them torturing and fucking him. He pushes his fingers into himself, and the pain from the torn skin turns into pleasure, tears start rolling his face. The thought of Sousuke and Banri both deep inside tips him over the edge.

“Banri… Sousuke… Nngg…” Otoharu whimpers out their names as he cums hard into his hand.

As Otoharu slowly comes down from his orgasm, he starts to realize what he has done. How could he get turned on by pain? Why Sousuke and Banri? One of them is his subordinate who is over twenty years younger than him. Otoharu starts to blush as he thinks of the two men touching him, feeling him up. Their eyes staring lustfully at him. The drug’s effects should have worn off by now, so it has to be his own sick mind creating these disturbing fantasies. How fucked up can he be? Confusion clouds his mind as he tries to figure out what is happening to him.

Otoharu quickly washes his hands and face and walks out of the bathroom. He checks the time on the clock as he sits down on his bed. 3 AM. He sleeps for about an hour. Otoharu doesn't feel like sleeping anymore. He doesn't want to go back there anymore. The man lies down on his bed and hugs himself. Tears keep on flowing down his face as he softly weeps to himself. He doesn't know anymore. His head hurts so much. He just wants it all to end.

* * *

Otoharu’s head throbs intensely. He doesn’t know what time it is, and he doesn’t think he slept, either. Otoharu’s vision blurs as his head aches so much it makes him want to hurl. He feels so cold. It's so cold. He starts coughing intensely; his throat burns each time he does so. Otoharu tries to sit up, but his arms have no energy at all. What is happening?

“D… Da…” Otoharu vaguely hear someone’s voice above him. He blurrily look up and notices a long blonde hair. Musubi…

“M-Musu… bi…” As his vision becomes clearer, he realizes that it's his daughter and not his late wife. “Huh..? Tsumugi..?” Otoharu starts coughing again which makes Tsumugi’s concern grow.

Tsumugi didn’t expect it to be this bad. After all, yesterday her father still sounded fine. She thought it would be just a minor cold, but this morning when she came to check on her dad, she found him lying unconscious on his bed, panting heavily. She’d gone to shake him and felt how hot his body was; a lot warmer than it should be. Brows furrowing in worry, Tsumugi quickly calls Banri to inform him of the situation. She will have to accompany the boys to their magazine shooting so Banri offers to take care of the sick president instead. By the time she gets the medicine from the cabinet and has the water and towel ready, Otoharu seems to have started regaining consciousness. Tsumugi rushes over and tries to calm her confused dad down. Otoharu breathes harshly and looks around in confusion. Tsumugi took the towel she prepared, soak it in water, and put it over Otoharu’s overheated forehead.

“Yes, I’m Tsumugi.” She says it slowly so that Otoharu would understand. Otoharu still looks at her, confused. Tsumugi holds onto her dad’s hand for his attention and starts clarifying. “You have a fever, dad. A very bad one too. Banri-san will come over and take care of you.”

“Ah…” Otoharu finally understands the situation and starts feeling guilty. “Sorry… Tsu…mugi…,” he mutters out in apology before he starts coughing violently again. Tsumugi quickly rubs Otoharu’s back trying to calm him down somehow.

“Don’t talk anymore. It’s fine, Dad. Here, drink some water.” Tsumugi helps her dad to sit up a little and holds the glass of water for him as he drinks. She takes the opportunity and gives the medicine to her father as well. “Do you want to eat anything?” Otoharu shakes his head at the question which turns out to be a bad idea. His head aches even more from the action causing him to groan out at the pain. Tsumugi settles him down on his bed and says that she will go out and get more towels. Otoharu nods lightly and listens to Tsumugi walking out of his room.

He didn’t expect to actually get a fever, not that he is surprised, considering what happened yesterday, especially since he barely drank any water. Well, he supposes he has an actual excuse to not go to work now. Otoharu’s vision starts to become hazy as his fevered mind forces him into his slumber.

* * *

Banri knocks on the door to the Takanashi’s residence. He has come here several times before, just not to take care of the sick president. The president never takes a day off. Even if he has a fever, he normally still comes in, albeit with a mask on. He’d hole himself up in the office because he don’t want anyone to get infected. Even then, he would still come to work, so it concerns Banri greatly that Otoharu would skip work today. How bad is it that the president has to stay home? Tsumugi opens the door, making Banri snap out of his thoughts, and lets him in.

“I’m so sorry for bothering you, Banri-san!” the female manager says as she leads Banri to the living room. She knows that Banri had been over before, so she doesn’t bother to tell him where her dad is.

“Oh, it’s alright!! I’m happy I could help!” Banri smiles at Tsumugi and put the medicines down on the table. Tsumugi starts getting ready to work herself. She had already checked on her dad, who is currently asleep, before Banri’s arrival. She looks up at the dark haired man and smiles softly.

“Please take care of my dad.” The sentence sounds more like a sincere plea than a demand.

“Of course,” Banri replies with determination. Tsumugi bids him farewell. As she walks out of the door, she looks back and waves.

“See you Kinako!” Banri looks to his side and see a fluffy white rabbit mewling as if to reply to Tsumugi. Kinako seems awfully quiet without Otoharu around. Banri huffs in amusement to himself before closing the door. With Tsumugi well on her way, Banri puts his laptop on the living room table and walks to check on Otoharu, Kinako hopping behind him. Otoharu is still sleeping, breathing heavily from the fever. Banri takes the towel on Otoharu’s forehead, dips it into the water, and puts it back on. He watches Otoharu’s sleeping face for a while. The man’s face is flushed red from fever, his mouth opened slightly to breathe, sweat rolling down his forehead and cheeks. Banri can feel himself blushing just from looking at the sight. He admonishes himself for thinking like that in the first place. Banri quickly shakes his head and walks out of the door. Kinako looks back at Otoharu’s room and whines. Banri pats its head and smiles a little to reassure it.

“Let him rest.” Kinako hops back to the living room with Banri, as Banri sits down to work on his report.

* * *

A knock on the door makes Banri looks up from his computer. Banri checks the clock on the living room wall as he walks to the check who is at the door. 11:30 AM. It has been about an hour since Banri started working. Banri opens the door and looks at the visitor in surprise.

“Yaotome-san?”


	3. Recovery

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow it have been over half a year. We are extremely sorry for the delay but we have been so busy with work and university. We also got distracted and write other chapters before finishing chapter 3. That means chapter 4 will probably come out soon though, hopefully haha...
> 
> Anyways this chapter will be a lot more just Banri and Sousuke taking care of Otoharu hhhh. A lot of angst but also fluff!
> 
> Warning: Contains mention of rape and toture, but no explicit scenes are shown. Signs and experience of PTSD are shown several times. Please read on your own volition!

Sousuke sits at his table, trying to decide what he should do. The manager from Takanashi Productions called him to cancel the meeting he is having today. When asked why, they claimed Takanashi is feeling unwell. Takanashi  _ never  _ cancels a meeting. Even with a fever, he stumbles into the meeting room every single time. Granted, most of those meetings end up with the man passing out or something of that kind… Still, Sousuke doesn’t think he would miss work. Takanashi is not that kind of person. Something is going on.

“If you’re not going to work, go see him,” Gaku says exasperatedly from the sofa in the office, reading the new magazine of IDOLISH7, TRIGGER, and Re:vale collaboration. It seems that the meeting that is supposed to happen today is postponed because the president from Takanashi Productions is somehow sick. Gaku doesn’t know much about the man, but it seems his father is pretty bothered by it and he doesn’t want to deal with his dad’s bullshit right now. Sousuke blushes at the fact that his son knows what he is thinking about.

“Shut up,” Sousuke stands up from his desk and walks to the door. “Don’t forget your photoshoot today.”

“I know, no need to remind me, old man.” Sousuke shuts the door and walks to his car.

* * *

 

Sousuke can’t say he’s surprised to see Banri at Takanashi’s place. After all, they are very close to each other.

“Yaotome-san?” Surprise is evident on Banri’s face as he mutters the name out.

“So. Are you going to let me in?” The older man crosses his arms and looks at the manager impatiently. Before Banri can reply, a scream can be heard from the room Otoharu is in. Both men look at each other for a moment before running toward the room. Sousuke reaches the room first, bursting through the door. 

Sousuke flicks the switch to turn on the light. As it lights up the dark room, he notices Otoharu flinching at the sudden brightness. The blonde man hazily looks up at the two men, his eyes glassy and unfocused. Otoharu hugs himself tightly as he mumbles incoherent sentences through his labored breathing. 

“N-No… I'm sorry… P-Please stop… No no no…” Sousuke's brows furrow at the sight; maybe this is a lot more serious than he had thought. He starts to approach the panicking man, impatience getting the better of him. 

“Hey, snap out of it.” He places his hand on Otoharu's shoulder, startling the man even more. Otoharu jerks away from the touch, his unfocused eyes widening. His breathing gets erratic as his body starts to shake violently. Sousuke pulls back his hand, realizing he made a mistake. Banri walks toward both men as he starts to notice what is happening as well. Otoharu is having a panic attack.

* * *

 

Otoharu doesn't understand what is happening. He wakes up to darkness, his mind plagued with nightmares of the past events. Someone turns on the light, then two figures stand before him. No, no, no, no. They are going to hurt him. Otoharu starts apologizing, begging them to not hurt him anymore. Then a hand touches his shoulder. He snaps. It's hard to breathe, his heart beating so fast it might explode. He tries to say something, anything, but nothing works. The grip on his arms grows even tighter as he tries to curl up and make himself as small as he can. He can feel someone holding his hand. Otoharu wants to scream but the only thing he manages is a soft moan. His mind feels so sluggish, so blurry. He can't think straight. Otoharu can vaguely hear a distant voice calling his name.

“Otoharu-san.” A soft voice calls out to him. It sounds so familiar… Who… 

“Otoharu-san, breathe with me, okay? I will count to 10. Breathe with every count okay, Otoharu-san?” He can feel a soft squeeze on his hand, bringing his attention back to the voice. Otoharu nods softly, not even sure if the owner of the voice will notice it. They start counting anyway. Otoharu breathes in with every count, trying his best to keep it steady. Whenever he fails and starts coughing, feeling as if he is unable to breathe, the grip on his hand tightens slightly, and the voice starts counting from one again, giving words of encouragement along the way.

Otoharu starts to come back to his senses; his darkened vision starts to be able to identify the two men. Long dark blue hair and bright green eyes… Short silver hair, sharp gray eyes… 

“B-Banri-kun… Yaotome-kun…? Wha…” The confused man starts to cough again before he could finish his sentence. Sousuke walks over and pats Otoharu’s back lightly, feeling guilty over what just happened. Banri hands Otoharu some water. The man drinks it a little before he starts to gag again and shakes his head slightly. Banri looks at the older man worriedly but puts the cup down anyway. Sousuke walks over to sit on the chair on the left side of Otoharu’s bed as Banri sits on the right.

“Are you feeling better now Otoharu-san?” Banri asks in concern.

“A-Ah… Yes, I’m, uh, sorry for worrying you both…” 

“Worry? You were freaking out! We ran over because we heard you scream. What the hell is going on?!” Sousuke says in the loud voice. He notices the sick man flinches from his tone of voice, causing Sousuke to feel bad for shouting at the man, but he can’t just let this go. Something is not right. Takanashi never gets worked up over something to get this bad, so of course he’s worried. The man doesn’t seem like he wants to tell them what is actually happening either. “And when we came into the room, you barely responded to us. Then you went into a panic attack?” The blonde man looks away, his hand involuntarily moving up to squeeze his arms, protectively wrapping around his body.

“I-It’s nothing… My fever kind of messed with my mind, t-that’s all…” Otoharu can’t let them know. He doesn't want anyone to know. 

_ No one can know. _

“Otoharu-san, I don’t think it’s just from your fever… You seem more scared of us than confused…” 

“Yeah! Don’t lie, damn it…!” A pained expression appears on Sousuke’s face as he looks at Otoharu. The blonde man’s grip on his arms gets tighter. Seeing Sousuke’s pained face and Banri’s concerned look, Otoharu can’t stop feeling guilty. Even so, he finds he can’t tell them the truth; deep down in his mind, Otoharu knows that it’s not because he wants to keep them safe. That is one of the reasons, but the real reason is that he is scared. He doesn’t want them to know that he has been dirtied and used, that he likes it. He doesn’t want them to know how fucked up he is. He is just a selfish person in the end.

Banri notices how uncomfortable the man is from their questioning. He doesn’t want to bother Otoharu any more than he already did; it could worsen the man’s mental and physical health further. He knows that the bespectacled man is very worried for Otoharu from the look of his face, as is Banri. Even then, he doesn’t think Otoharu will just tell them outright, anyway, especially not in this fevered state of his. Banri looks up at Sousuke and clears his throat for the man’s attention.

“You must be hungry, right, Otoharu-san?” Banri turns his head towards Otoharu and smiles softly. “Yaotome-san and I will go and see if we can get you something to eat as well as get the medicine for you,” the manager announces as he walks over to take Sousuke by his arm and drags him out of the room.

“Oi! What are you doi—” Sousuke starts to argue as he pulls his arm out of the manager’s grip.

“Yaotome-san.” Banri calls Sousuke’s name out in a low voice, causing the man to stop his bickering. The man’s face looks terrifyingly serious; he has never seen that kind of expression from the manager before. Sousuke looks back at the shaken Otoharu. He wants to ask more questions, but it seems to be useless now anyway. He sighs irritably and walks toward the door.

“Fine, we will go get you some food. Stay here, Takanashi, and try not to panic again.” Sousuke’s statement comes out more like a cold-hearted command than he wants it to be. Otoharu blushes at the mention of him panicking, but still nods slightly to the man’s words anyway.

As the two men walk out of the room, Otoharu lets out a sigh. Otoharu looks down at his shaking hands, trying his best to keep them still, but failing. He remembers the nightmare. Men surrounding him, touching him, hurting him as they laugh to his screams. Otoharu grips the blankets tightly and bites down on his lip to keep himself from making a sound.

_ You are so pathetic. _

Otoharu lets out a hollow laugh at his own thoughts. It's not funny, nothing is. Yet, he laughs anyway. Laughs at how miserably pitiful he is.

* * *

 

“You know I'm going to force it out of him anyway right?” Sousuke says with a huff. Banri sighs as he takes the pots out and turns on the stove. There was some meat in the refrigerator when he checked that morning. Maybe some porridge might be good. 

“I know you are worried, Yaotome-san, but I don't think it's the best idea to interrogate a sick man. President is incredibly disoriented right now; questioning him will just make him even more confused.” Sousuke lets out a frustrated sigh. He knows what Banri said is reasonable, but Otoharu’s reactions, how scared and troubled he looked... It really doesn't sit well with him. But with Otoharu’s present condition, trying to get any information out of the man will be futile. He will have to wait until Otoharu recovers from his fever.

“Fine. Move; you're too slow.” Sousuke moves toward the stove, takes the ingredients on the counter, and starts cooking. Banri looks on as he watches the older man efficiently move around the kitchen like it’s second nature.

“Hoooh~ I didn't know you cook, Yaotome-san,” Banri drawls as he starts cutting the vegetables for the soup. Sousuke doesn’t care to respond to Banri’s teasing as he continues to cook. Despite rather being strangers to each other, there is a calm silence between them as the sound of cooking fills the kitchen. A certain soba cook once told Sousuke that cooking with someone else helps strengthen the bonds between them. He doesn’t expect for it to be with his rival’s manager. 

“Why are you here?” The older man breaks the silence as he watches the rice boil in the pot. Banri looks up from the cutting board, his eyebrow raised in surprise at the question.

“Well, the manager is busy. I’m a bit worried as well since President never misses his work days, and…” Banri trails off as he recalls his conversation with the president last night. 

At the time, Banri had been working in the office with Tsumugi. The idol boys were still practicing for their upcoming live; both Banri and Tsumugi were thinking of how they should advertise IDOLISH7 in the days leading up to the event. Then the phone rang. Tsumugi took the call and it seemed to be the president calling. Banri looked at the clock and realized how late it was. The man had been out since morning; the meeting must have been quite long. Before Banri could get back to work, Tsumugi called him and handed the phone over to him. Apparently, the president wanted to talk to him. Banri took the phone and decided to ask about the movie, but the president seemed to be out of it. His reactions seemed delayed and somewhat absent, as if his mind was somewhere else entirely, and he took a while to answer a simple question from Banri. The manager started to get worried at the thought of something happening to the president. His anxiety spiked when the man told him to cancel all his appointments for the next day. When asked, the president claimed he’d caught a cold. The man seemed very defensive. Banri wanted to question the man more — he was, of course, very worried — but it didn’t seem to be the best time to do that, so instead, Banri did as he was told and hung up the phone.

Thinking back now, he probably should have asked. He should have gone to check on the other man, maybe something bad really did happen. Thinking of how badly the president reacted today makes Banri quite sure that something more is going on without his knowledge.

“Hey!” Sousuke’s voice causes Banri to snap back from his thoughts. “You just trailed off,” Sousuke says as he look at Banri from the stove. Banri scratches the back of his head and lets out a small sheepish laugh as he puts the last of the chopped vegetables into a bowl.

“Ah… I’m sorry, I got lost in my thoughts. But yes, I got worried over the president so I came over to take care of him. It seems that there is a lot more going on than I initially thought, as well.” 

Sousuke doesn’t comment on Banri’s response. After all, he is thinking the same thing; the way Takanashi reacted just now can’t be the result of a mere cold he caught. 

“You must be worried too, right?” Banri’s question makes Sousuke turn his head and stare at the younger man as if he’s grown two heads.

“W-What?!”

“Well, you took your time to come over to the president’s home. The meeting could have just been rearranged through me. You hearing that the president taking a sick leave, something that he has never done, must have made you worried right?” Banri’s explanation is logical and Sousuke knows it. The older man can feel his face starts to heat up and as he look back to the stove, the porridge had conveniently finished cooking. 

“The porridge is finished... I will put it in a bowl. You quickly finish your soup,” Sousuke says as he put the pot off the stove, trying his best to avoid Banri’s question. The manager laughs internally at how flustered the older man is. He finds it kind of cute how shy the bespectacled man can be, despite how people describe him to be a cold-hearted and hateful president. The man seems to care a lot about TRIGGER as well, even if he never admits it.

“Okay, okay,” Banri pacifies as he starts to heat up his own pot and wait for it to boil; he doesn’t think the president can handle anything more than just a soup and porridge in his condition. 

Sousuke puts the waste into a plastic bag and opens the trash can to throw it in. Before Sousuke throws in the bag, though, he notices a big plastic bag buried underneath. There appears to be clothes in it, and upon looking closer there seems to be reddish-brown stains on it. Sousuke feels his heart beat faster at the thought of what the stain could be. He quickly shakes his head, throws the bag in, and goes to wash his hands. It can't be what he thinks it is. No way, not possible. Right…?

“Are you finished with that yet?” Sousuke starts to get impatient as he tries to get his mind off what he saw. 

“It will take a while for the soup to finish cooking, Yaotome-san,” Banri reprimands patiently, not looking up from what he's doing. Sousuke lets out a frustrated sigh and walks over to the cabinet as he tries to find medication for the sick man. As he stirs the pot, Banri seems to notice what the older man is doing. “Oh, I bought medicine for the president. It's on the living room table.” The dark haired man points out of the kitchen to the living room. Sousuke walks out to get it.

Upon arrival, he spots Banri's laptop, awake and unlocked on the living room table. He doesn’t really mean to look at the screen, but the page it's open to unwittingly brings a scowl to his face. "Disturbing Graffiti at Zero Arena," reads the headline. He scoffs, but ends up skimming the article, anyway. It disgusts him how reporters pounce on hypotheticals and call it news; the article seems to accomplish nothing but criticize and accuse Zero of things that would hardly count as faults in a less publicized man. It denounces the legend for disappearing without a word, and demands an explanation for recent events from Zero himself. Sousuke is aware of what happened in the Zero Arena with the graffiti incident, but he is confident that it was not Zero behind it. However, due to the lack of clues pointing to a true culprit, the fans have begun to think that Zero may have been responsible after all. Sousuke clicks his tongue disapprovingly. People are so easily fooled… 

“Yaotome-san, what's taking you so long? The soup is done...” Banri trails off as he walks into the living room, seeing the older man looking at his laptop screen. Sousuke stands a little too quickly, causing one of his knees to hit the table. Grunting in a mixture of surprise and pain, Sousuke falls onto the sofa and grips his smarting knee. Banri suppresses a laugh as he heads over to check on the older man. “A-Are you okay?” Sousuke can feel his face heat up in embarrassment.

“I’m fine,” Sousuke replies as he looks at the laptop screen. Banri walks over and discovers that he had forgotten to close his laptop before walking over to open the door for Sousuke.  “Zero, huh.” The older man mutters out as if out of reminiscence than a question to Banri. 

“Ah… Yes, there has been news around about Zero lately. After the incident months ago it left a bad impression with the fans, but the news never got this big. Seems like some people are popping up and starting to dig into Zero’s past to attack him and make claims. Most claims aren’t proven to be true or not yet.” Sousuke remains silent as he listens to Banri’s explanations, eyes absently drifting to a photo frame on the shelf of father and daughter. The older man stands up from the couch, this time making sure his knees don’t hit the table, takes the medication off the table, and walks back to the kitchen.

“Don’t believe what the media says all the time.” Banri looks at the older man, wondering what Sousuke meant by that statement. He starts to walk back to the kitchen as well. Of course doesn’t really believe most of the claims anyway, though Banri notices the frustration on Sousuke’s face and voice as he talk about the Zero drama. Why is the man so worked up over Zero? Sure, Zero is a very big and influential idol, but he doesn’t think Sousuke would really care for an idol that doesn’t work under the man. Unless…

“Yaotome-san, do you know Zero?” Sousuke pauses for a moment before continuing to walk to the kitchen, his back still turned towards Banri.

“What made you think that?”

“You seemed angry when we were talking about the incident. It’s as if you know what the article is saying is not true.” Sousuke doesn’t comment on the remark, but instead walks into the kitchen to prepare the food so he can put it on the tray and they can finally bring it to the sick man. With no answer, Banri lets out a small sigh; it seems like no one wants to make it easy for him at all. The manager walks toward the stove to spoon the soup onto the bowl and put it on the tray as Sousuke starts reading how much of each medication Otoharu needs.

After they finish preparing the food, the two men walk out of the kitchen towards Otoharu’s room.

“... I don’t know him,” Sousuke finally replies to Banri’s question just before opening the door and walking into Otoharu’s room, leaving the manager no room to talk anymore about the topic. Banri feels like the man is hiding something but at this point there’s too much for him to worry about already, so he decides to resume this topic another day.

When the pair reaches Otoharu's room, they immediately notice the man is sweating profusely, but holding onto the blankets like a lifeline with shaking, white-knuckled fists. His eyes are glazed over, as if he's not really seeing anything. “President?” Banri calls carefully from the doorway, warily watching Sousuke place the tray on the bedside table.

Otoharu jerks, startled, accidentally sending his blanket to the ground. Sousuke takes a step and is there to reach for the blanket at the same time as the other man, who flinches and snatches his hand back as if burned when they bump into each other. The bespectacled man pauses, looking at Otoharu, then slowly continues, picking up the blanket and laying it back over him. He can't help but notice every little twitch the blond president makes. Blanket friction? Twitch. Fingers tucking him in? Twitch. Accidental brushing of his own sleeve over Otoharu's nose? Violent twitch and a sneeze. Sousuke grimaces and pulls back, pulling out a handkerchief and disgustedly wiping off whatever landed on his face.

Glaring from over his dislodged glasses, Sousuke deadpans, “If I get sick because of you, I'm suing for attempted murder.” This startles a laugh out of the other man, and doesn't quite wipe away the terrified, not-there expression he had mere moments ago, but gets it off well enough that Sousuke can pretend everything's alright. Sousuke tosses the handkerchief at the other man.

“Wipe yourself off, asshole. I don’t want your germs.” Otoharu laughs nervously and begins to wipe it off. Banri walks toward the two men seeing that Otoharu starts to calm down. He places the tray of food on the bedside table and sits on the side of Otoharu’s bed, opposite Sousuke.

“We got some medicine for you Otoharu-san, but you will have to eat some food first.” The blonde man nods silently at Banri’s instruction; the president seems pretty out of it, Banri notes. Otoharu makes an attempt to scoop up the porridge, but his shaking hands won’t hold the spoon properly. Seeing the president’s predicament, Banri moves closer to the other man and carefully supports the shaking hands. After a few tries from Otoharu and heavy support from Banri, the manager decides to just feed Otoharu the porridge. Otoharu tries to tell Banri that he can do it himself, but gives up, knowing he will just waste his energy. 

After several spoonfuls of porridge, Otoharu feels a similar wave of nausea start to wash over him again, memories of the incident replays itself in his mind. It's getting hard to distinguish the porridge from the repugnant viscous fluid of the recent past. The thick, slimy sensation of it sliding down his throat reminds him of the cum he was forced to swallow past the cock in his mouth, and unintentionally, he gags, choking on phantom sensations and feeling decidedly unclean. He can’t stop the porridge from pouring out of his mouth, even as Banri and Sousuke start to fuss over his sudden inability to eat, and it only gets worse from there. Nausea fills him as he looks down and sees his spit, appearing almost identical to cum after the porridge mixed with saliva, and he’s there again, illusions of pain shooting through his already torn rectum and hands touching, grabbing everywhere. 

_ We own you now, Mr. President. _

Tingling starts in his fingers and toes and spreads up his arms and legs, freezing him slowly even though the air isn’t cold. He can hear someone breathing heavily in his ear, and it only makes him panic even harder.

“President!?” Banri calls out in alarm as Otoharu suddenly begins to hyperventilate. He looks to Sousuke, not knowing what’s going on. “I… I don’t… should we call an ambulance? This isn’t…,” he stutters out helplessly. Sousuke racks his brain as he watches Otoharu yet again start to panic. He is just eating food with Banri; why is the porridge triggering him?

“First, you need to calm down.” Sousuke says pointedly at the manager, who nods at his statement. As Banri starts to calm himself down, Sousuke bends down beside Otoharu and places Otoharu's hand on his chest. He breathes in and out slowly, making sure to make his chest rise and fall for Otoharu to feel. “Hey, it's fine, you’re fine.” Sousuke mutters out softly to the other man despite himself. This time around it seems that it’s getting easier and quicker for the other man to calm down. 

“S-Sorry, I’m not hungry anymore…” Otoharu mumbles softly, so soft that it feels like he is talking more to himself than the two other men, as he tries to stay coherent.

“Are you sure, Otoharu-san?” Banri couldn’t stop himself from calling out the president's name out of concern; he chides himself internally for that. Casting the thought aside, he quickly goes back to the blonde’s side, wiping the porridge off the man’s clothes. Otoharu just nods at the man’s question, mind still frazzled.

“At least take your medicine,” Sousuke says as he picks up a cup of water and takes the pills out of their packets. Otoharu tries to comply, reaching for the pills and water, but flounders, the pills falling between his fingers and into his lap, and the cup nearly suffering the same fate if not for Sousuke’s quick reflexes.

Realizing that the other man probably can’t even hold the cup properly, Sousuke concedes, deft fingers brushing Otoharu’s thighs out of necessity as he picks up the pills but causing a small flinch nevertheless. Sousuke catches it out of the corner of his eye, but opts not to comment, schooling himself so as not to visibly react and affect his fellow president even more.

He then places the pills into Otoharu’s palm, allowing the man the dignity of putting them in his mouth himself, before lifting the cup to the blonde’s lips and helping him drink some water to get the medicine down, much to his disdain if the slight scowl on Otoharu’s face as he swallows are any indication. As the two men are busy with the medicines, Banri starts to clean up the plates. He spots the full bowl of soup that Otoharu hasn’t touched, which makes him want to go back and ask the president to eat a little more, but decides against it, fearing that the other man will start to panic again. Looking at the clock on the bedside table, Banri realizes that it's nearly 5 PM. He should probably just wrap it up for breakfast tomorrow… The manager look back and notices that Otoharu’s outfit is still covered with porridge.

“Oto— ah, President, your shirt is dirty; maybe you should change?”

“Ah… y-yes…” 

“Do you need our help—”

“N-No!!” The older man shouts out before he can stop himself, and falters at the wide-eyed looks he receives from the other two men. “I-It’s fine, I can get it myself.” His voice is a lot quieter now, but it still doesn’t wipe the startled look out of Banri’s and Sousuke’s faces. Sousuke sighs out, but didn’t say anything else, it's not as if they will get any answers out of Otoharu when he is incoherent like this. He walks toward the closet and takes a white long-sleeved sweater and pants out. He puts the clothes on the bed before taking the dirty plates from the bedside table.

“Get changed; we will go and clean up the plates.” Sousuke’s emphasis on the word ‘we’ got Banri moving to take the remaining plates and walk out with the older man. 

Otoharu lets out a sigh when the door shuts; he doesn’t understand himself anymore at this point. He is not even fully himself half the time. Otoharu wants to blame it on his fever, but he knows that is only half the truth. His muddled mind doesn’t help with him trying to figure it out so he decides to concentrate on the task at hand and starts changing out of his soiled clothes. 

The first thing he takes note of as he bares his body is small, insignificant amongst all the other things he could have paid attention to. It’s the little scab on his arm, where the men injected the drug. There isn’t any sort of bandage over it; it wasn’t as important as the other wounds had been, and he’d actually nearly forgotten about it in favor of all the other things that had been done to him. He pokes and prods at it, and finds the scab already weak enough to fall off if he just picks it. So he scratches at it, tugs at it with his nail, and feels a small amount of satisfaction as the dried blood comes away, rolling the scab between his fingers before he flicks it away and stares at the small droplet of blood forming where he took it from. It’s a tiny thing, a little red bead that grows before his eyes but not enough to start trickling. It grows to be about the same size as the scab he just picked, which irritates him for no reason at all. Otoharu’s mouth twists and he swipes at the blood, making the droplet disappear only to be quickly replaced by more. He wipes it away again, and the wound stubbornly resumes bleeding. He growls and slaps his palm over it, making the area twinge with soreness as he does and remind him of what exactly happened to put the scab there in the process. A needle went in him, a needle started the reactions that thrilled his captors so and whose aftershocks affect him even now, if the faint reaction between his thighs is any indication.

Otoharu pushes down at his already loosened pants and in doing so, renders himself entirely naked save for the cigarette burns littering his body and the bandages covering the cuts on his thigh and abdomen. He wonders vaguely if he ought to change them again before remembering he’s in his room, not the bathroom, so he doesn’t have fresh bandages to change them with anyway. He wipes his hand on the bandages over his thigh instead as he sits back down on the bed, and stares blandly at the bloodstain left behind. They’re bandages. They don’t matter. But he sees tears fall onto them, and he wonders when he started crying. Slowly, he rests his elbows on his knees and lowers his head to fit in his hands. He shudders and doesn’t fight the scrunched-up expression of agony and anguish that worms its way onto his face. It hurts…

* * *

 

Once outside, Banri and Sousuke put the plates in the sink and start washing them, the atmosphere still tense from the recent incident. 

“I don’t know what is happening anymore…” Banri mutters out more to himself than to Sousuke.

“Me neither. But even if we did, we can’t really do much about it right now.” Sousuke says as he hands the cleaned plate for Banri to wipe. The younger man nods as he accepts the plate and wipe it off. The silence stretches out again, this time not as tense as the last time. It doesn’t take long before Sousuke feels the need to break the silence again. “Go take the dirty clothes out, I will finish up here.” Not in the mood to really argue Banri nods again, wipes his hands, and walk over to the room.

“President, have you finished changing yet?” The manager gently opens the door into the room, and Otoharu makes a small sound eerily similar to a whimper, which causes Banri’s worry to spike up once again. 

Upon looking into the room, Banri can feel his worry ebbing away. Nothing seems terribly amiss. Otoharu is looking at Banri, and his eyes look suspiciously red, but he doesn’t seem to really be reacting much to the other man’s intrusion, blanket still gripped in his hands. His eyes are glazed over as he stares past Banri to the empty door. The man seems to be on the verge of unconsciousness, exhaustion clearly shown on his face. Banri walks over to the other man slowly, not wanting to startle Otoharu yet again. He moves Otoharu slightly so his head would lay on the pillow, which is met with little resistance and a small groan from the president. Banri picks up the dirty clothes on the floor and walks toward the door to put it in the washing machine.

“Banri…” The soft, hoarse voice barely sounds like Otoharu. Banri turns around to see the man looking at him, with a bit more focus this time around. He quickly drops the dirty clothes off in front of the room before closing the door and walk back to the dazed man. 

“Do you want something President? I can turn off the lights for you, if you want.” His suggestion is met with a trembling hand that grips the sleeves of his shirt tightly.

“No, no… Don’t turn off the lights…” Otoharu mumbles out before continuing on, “Banri… Can you stay? Please…” Banri looks at the other man, confused at the man’s request. Otoharu seems to barely be conscious, his eyes are hardly open, but he seems to be scared. Scared of something he probably don’t want to tell Banri, somehow he got a nagging feeling that this is probably related to Otoharu’s earlier reactions.

“Okay, okay, I will stay.” Banri slowly sits down on the chair beside Otoharu’s bed. The blonde man moves slightly to create space on his bed, and looks up at the younger man expectantly.

“Otoharu-san I don’t think—”

“Please… I’m cold, Banri…” At the call of his name, Banri becomes even more conflicted than before. Otoharu is essentially his boss; laying down and sleeping in the same bed as the man… Banri can’t say that he doesn’t want to, he admitted to himself a long time ago that he has a crush on the older man. He thought it would disappear, but it never really did. It started to evolve into an affection that Banri can’t seem to get rid of.

They have hugged on several occasions, mostly when they are too overwhelmed with emotions to really talk; Banri relishes those moments. On several occasions, Banri caught himself wanting to go further than that, but he has always stopped himself. Looking at Otoharu now, the man looks so tired, so weary of everything, it makes Banri’s heart break. The older man is probably just looking for comfort. At that thought, Banri relents and lies down on the bed beside Otoharu, pulling the man into a gentle hug. Otoharu practically melts into Banri’s embrace, he lets out a content sigh before going back to sleep. Feeling the warmth of Otoharu’s body, Banri somehow starts to feel relaxed as well. He realizes how tired he has been, and his eyes grow heavy as the consciousness starts to slip away from him.

* * *

 

Sousuke clicks the button on the washing machine and the machine whirs to life. After waiting for Banri to come back for far longer than should be necessary, Sousuke gets tired of it and walks to the bedroom himself. He spots the dirty clothes dropped outside of the room, and irritation starts to build up inside him. Sousuke decides to clean the clothes anyway, and does so. 

Sousuke pulls out his phone to check the time. 5:20 PM. It is getting late, he probably should get home. Still, he decides to go in and check on Otoharu before leaving. That is his first mistake. 

When Sousuke opens the door, he sees Otoharu hugging Banri, who, Sousuke reminds himself, is Otoharu’s employee. He can feel a small pang in his chest as he watches the two men sleeping. Why does he have to be angry seeing this? He doesn’t even like Otoharu for God’s sake. Deciding to ignore the feeling for now, Sousuke walks up to the left side of the bed and start to change the towel on the man’s forehead.

“Hng...” A pained noise is heard from Otoharu, as the man starts stirring, Banri doesn’t seem to be bothered by it. Is he having a nightmare? Sousuke instinctively reaches out to check on Otoharu. The other man stops his stirring and opens his eyes slightly to look at Sousuke, still conscious but just so. “Sousuke…” Otoharu keeps looking at Sousuke, but can barely focus.

“Go to sleep, I’m going to leave now.” Sousuke says as he pulls his hand away, but Otoharu catches the hem of his sleeve.

“Sousuke…” His voice comes out as a soft whimper; it sounds so sad. “Sousuke…” Otoharu keeps repeating his name, each time his voice becomes more of an incoherent sob than words. Sousuke wants to pull away, to tell the man to just sleep, but he doesn't. He never has, not when Otoharu is like this. 

“What do you want?”

“I’m scared...”

“Banri is right over there, you will be fine.” His voice comes out more annoyed than Sousuke wanted it to be, Otoharu seems to notice that and pull his hand back.

“Dream… You…” Tears starts to form on Otoharu eyes before slowly sliding down his face onto the pillow. He doesn’t seem to be able to let out more than a choked sob, still clearly worn out. Sousuke starts to feel guilty for not giving Otoharu much thought. The man clearly seems distressed from his nightmares. Sousuke can’t be so much of an ass as to just walk away from this, and so he makes his second mistake. Sousuke sits down on the chair beside the bed and lightly holds onto Otoharu’s hand.

“I’m here. I will be here.” With his confirmation Otoharu seems to become a little more relieved and grips onto Sousuke’s hand tightly. After a few moments of Sousuke stroking Otoharu’s hair, the blonde man starts to go back to sleep. Sousuke realizes that Otoharu doesn’t release his hand from the hold, and so he makes his last mistake and decides to sit there until Otoharu wakes up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading this chapter. It took us a long time but I am kind of happy with how it turns out. Hopefully you enjoy it as well! As always please leave a comment if you want us to improve in anything, we are both amateur writers after all!


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